What Were You Expecting?….

This post will be mainly centered around stereotypes, stigmas and certain peoples closed mindedness…

As many of you reading this might know I have been in a same sex relationship for the last 7 years and i’ve recently started working with charities around London to break stigmas about what females should look like within the lesbian community. However, these stigmas can be implied in any area of life, your background, your education, your work.

I constantly get told.. ‘Oh, but you don’t LOOK gay..’  I’ve always wondered what people expect my reaction to be, as if that is some bizarre compliment I should be pleased about. I have never been secretive about my sexuality it’s just not something I choose to preach onto other people. I’ve been with my fiancee for so long now that sometimes I forget to mention it, so i’m unsure as to how if I haven’t told someone they assume my clothing will?

My biggest issue with this is that it groups people into conforming to an identity that it’s about 50 years out of date. Yes, I love another women. No, I do not want to be a man, nor do I want to dress like one, nor do I feel inclined to put on any other clothes  apart from those I feel comfortable wearing. I loved standing in front of a room full of people at my Miss London Final in a long ball gown and 4 inch heels telling the room about my sexuality. It felt to empowering to prove that not all lebians fit the sterotype of short hair and unfitted shirts. At the end of the day we are just people like everyone else, who happen to love someone of the same sex. You wouldn’t say to a straight girl ‘You look straight’ when she’s wearing a dress so why should it play the other way around.

I can’t wait until equality comes and people’s sexuality isn’t shown in any other way other than the person they happen to be with. There is so much global press going on about the legalization of gay marriage, acceptance around but I personally want to work with more local issues such as bullying and stigmas. It’s so important to know that there are people going through the same thing as you, and it’s as frustrating for everyone. It’s these vague stereotypes that are the forefront of all name calling, bullying and excuses to be mean; the worst one being ‘you’re so gay..’. I would love to know what kind of negative connotation this is suppose to hold so if anyone could tell me that would be great.

The bottom line is, someone’s appearance shouldn’t indicate your sexuality or anything about you. Clothing is an expression of your personality and what you feel comfortable in. I personally spend my life living in my gym clothes because that represents the person I am. That has no indication of my sexuality. I hope that in a few years gender neutral terms will be normal and the fact i’m in a same sex relationship won’t be a surprise, and that my happiness will be the main concern.

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