Faith, and how to lose it.

I haven’t blogged in a while. And mainly it’s because i’ve been on a slow decline into old habits I am fighting to break, although temptation is defeating me.

If you had asked me at the beginning of June what my life would be like but the time we hit the end of 2016 I would tell you that i’d have seen the world, i’d have be the healthiest i’ve been, that I’d have made new relationships, that I would be looking forward to what 2017 had to offer. But now we are less than 2 months away from this time and I feel none of those things.

The hope I had to start a new life is slowly fading before me. With so many obstacles in the way of me starting my dream job it feels like I never will and the negativity in my brain is coming back. My fitness & health is always at a high peak when I am in a routine which is something that I am not now. Any routine I had,  I lost when i decided to settle for evening work opposite a fast food hub. With bad thoughts, comes bad food, and with my days filled with nothingness i find myself not having a reason to bring myself into the world. The relationships I planned to have built are non existent as I haven’t had the opportunity to go out and create them. And my positivity and outlook for 2017 has disappeared as I know I will be stuck in the same vicious circle that I am in now. It shorts, I have lost faith. And i keep searching for any glimmer of hope which can bring it back to me but I can’t seem to find the light in the darkness.

I am aware that the only person who can break these habits is myself and I am fighting against a strong tide to stay afloat as I know the further I drown then harder it will be to recover.  So this is why I am seeking light in my blog once more. The place when over 50,000 people have viewed my words and insight. I preach a message that says you can do whatever you put your mind too, you can achieve the impossible and this a message that I am in need of myself. Today starts a new chapter, a new way of looking at the world.

For every bad outcome it simply means a new and better one is on its way. Christmas a is soon approaching and it is my favorite time of year. New jobs are are on the horizon which keeps my life on the same path but who says that can’t be exciting. I may have lost faith but i can still see the burning amber on the candle and now starts the fight for change, to rekindle the old flame that is loving myself. As the icon of this blog says. You’ve got what it takes. We all have. Our destiny is entirley influenced by our own actions and reactions, which is why I am taking control. And I hope you will all still support me as I begin a different, slightly unconventional path.

Love you always.

Kailey X

 

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